The writer spent nights
without sleep and days delving into the depth his mysterious thoughts
about his wife (or ex-wife because he can’t decide what status she has after
she has left without leaving any message explaining to him that weird
decision). In his mind, he could build worlds and destroy others. He was
haunted by the Zahir. He refrained from eating and drinking. He was fed by the
good memories he had with Esther. Good memories that have torn him apart and
simultaneously bewildered his mind because he could not fathom out the reason
why she has left him without any alert.
“Does
she really love me,” the writer wonders“
"If she
does, she would not leave me. She would stay and console me for I’m undergoing
dreadful experiences these days. She would stay because we have spent beautiful
and cheerful dozen of years together,” he was trying to convince himself.
Day in day out, the writer
started to feel that his days are reiterated. He had the feeling that he was doing the same
activities. At night thinking endlessly and constantly about Esther until the first
light of dawn breaks into his room and which sheds a straight light on the wall leaving him to wonder about whether he has chances to meet her again or not.
At day light he tries to find an answer to why she has left him. As a way to
change the routine, the writer began to go to a restaurant nearby his house.
There, he knew about a famous therapy group in the city. It was run by
Mikhail, a Kazakh who was helped by the writer’s wife after he felt hopeless and
lost.
In the evening, the writer
unexpectedly got up from his bed and put on his clothes then headed to the
restaurant. On a secluded table, he was watching the show that Mikhail was exhibiting
with a group of people who used to regularly attend it. Each of them had many family and social problems that were stuck in their minds and they wanted to free themselves from
the burden they carried each day. Voicing one’s thought makes a person feel secured and helps in alleviating the burden.
The writer hesitated many
times to get on that stage and unravel the worlds the mystery that causes him
insomnia. Yet, one day he managed to talk to Mikhail at the end of the regular
sessions. To his surprise, he found out that Esther, who is much older than
him, was in love with Mikhail.
unexpectedly, the writer
showed no emotions about that. His main concern was to know about her
(ex-)wife's new residence. He knew that she used to hang out with Mikhail and
thought having a conversation with him might give him a clue. After a series of
meetings and conversations, Mikhail told the writer about the location of Esther
written on a paper and inserted in an envelope.
The next day, the writer
packed his luggage and set off his way to Kazakhstan where Esther lives. Once
the writer reached the place by the help of Mikhail and Dos, Mikhail’s friend,
he took off his jacket and lit a cigarette then sat on the footstep of Esther’s
house. Because he felt that he fulfilled his purpose, he thought of getting back and forgetting about the whole issue.
Then he made up his mind and opened the door of the house to find out that she
was reading an article, which he wrote years ago and which he dedicated to her, to a
couple of children.
“Class is
dismissed now. I have to have a word with an old friend,” Esther said to the
children
“Okay,
Madam. Have a nice day” the children politely replied
The writer’s eyes burst into
tears and started weeping like a young child. Esther was coming along to him
and her eyes were full of tears. They did not say a word. She hugged him and
whispered in his ears
“I miss
you so much. I’ve committed a big mistake for leaving you. Your absence made me
rethink so many things I was wrong at. I came to the conclusion that you are
the perfect person to me and no one will take your place.” She affectionately
whispered in his ears.
The writer was stuttering
over words because he was weeping. She could barely hear that he
was saying
“I can’t
live without you and I have committed mistakes. From those mistakes I could
understand that you mean a lot to me.”
They confessed their mistakes
and both of them went back to France to live happily with each other. They both
learnt that distance has made them rectify their mistakes and come to the
conclusion that they love each other.
By Abdelaziz EL HAMMOUCHI
